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Managed

Yesterday we were after three weeks of Dr. Berendt and he had forgotten us! Is now a red card for him. He could then still be achieved at home and came back again. Now he became a father again, and we want to forgive him, that he has forgotten us. But the important thing is actually that we were able to conclude the therapy and I am 9 years for the first time again as a healthy call (except for the fibromyalgia, but that's another matter). I never thought that I get each time so far and I am very proud to have done it for me. While I am aware that I can always come in to depression, but I know now that I can make it back to get out. But now enjoy I have to just be happy and balanced. The only problem that I have now is that my days are simply too short, for all I would like to do. But since I'll have planned today to practice with!

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Sonnenhalde meeting!

Yesterday we have set up everything and it was really great! I'm Tanya, and Thomas Sigi taken at 15.00 clock in the main hall in reception and then we all take the train down to Dani. Thomas, I would have hardly recognized with his short hair, but Tanya and Sigi have not changed size. In the beginning a certain threshold was because we have yet never seen outside the hospital, but was then overcome quickly. Sigi is the only one but still in hospital (now in Bern), but only for a month, then they made it. Dani picked us up at the station and then went to Staffelbach. Dani and her family have a beautiful house in the English country style, just as I would like my house too. So we sat in the garden first, and let time pass in the Klnik Revue. What we have laughed and Thomas said it well when he said that at first would have to stay in Kuckusnest to get to know. But it has done us all good and it was nice to see that all was again put on their feet again and have a foothold in life. It was really a very nice evening and all enjoyed it. The next meeting is now on 4 November at the hostess and I will be.

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limits

Wednesday since the Saturday I get each day's new on my limits. Every day is a struggle with my depression that creeps in common, and ran with renewed force at me! But I fight. Was the carefree time is very short, but I do not want to be ungrateful, for the past 9 years I had my first one back! Just do not give up and not lose sight of my goal. On Saturday we will meet all of our New Story from the sun, slope, we spent a very nice time together stationary. This sounds funny now, how can you spend in a psychiatric hospital a good time? But it was indeed so, since it is a small private clinic, beautifully located in Riehen and I really really good luck had to meet some great people. For the first time I experienced what it's like to be loved as I am. No adjustments, no hypocrisy! I am looking forward to this Saturday and it keeps me going at the moment. I hope I can fill up a bit of strength there again!

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sadness

On Saturday and today I'm once again surrounded by an inner sadness that I do not know where it comes from. But it takes much force you not to yield. Do not just lie in bed and hang on the serious thought to. I made an effort not to let Gerd suffer to some extent succeeded to me. While he has noticed that something is wrong with me and was very kind, but by that I do not just put in a corner apathetic back, he came it ran at me. This would indeed be an improvement on earlier, in such moments where I could only cry and pulled me so back that a talk with me was impossible. What is bothering me the most is that I do not know what causes sadness. She's just suddenly there and seems to me to roll over. Well, tomorrow we would have again Monday and I may again be tormented by the Colleagues without letting me say something. What a life! Actually, yes I wanted

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anger

to bed because I'm so tired. Today I worked all day in the apartment, the animals placed in new, ironed linen, furniture etc. moved .. But the result is very nice and so I thought I am going quickly to the depression forum to to see what's new. I would have left it better! Since one has done such a stupid post that I would like to scream. On the one hand I'm annoyed that I was provoked by someone like that leave, on the other hand, I just can not understand why people have to be so hurtful. This forum is really intended for people who have problems and seek help. People who have it hard enough in their lives, why do you connect to these fragile souls still around? I think it's people like Chris can not even aware of what they do with their comments. I should not upset me, because they are not worth it and still employs me and I feel attacked and injured. Now I will probably have to again count on a sleepless night because my thoughts do not leave off ... I need to learn still so much!

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Done

Now I had on Thursday so take a fight with my plush animals to our therapists and what happens? Our doctor has forgotten the appointment. Just when it would have been processed wiklich much. Well I gave him then the animals out the door, because I did not again take home after I had overcome me to separate myself from them. What I have suffered and I felt so bad. The whole time I thought how lonely they are and how to leave. Dr. Berendt has phoned me on Friday and apologized, but he has promised me that I he had left there the animals. As a reward, I had

then this is a very nice weekend in the hometown of my husband and I enjoyed it, to think of anything. Gerd also went very well and we could spend the day in real harmony. Was necessary to our large military last weekend. Time and again we are reaching the limits and then especially when it comes to talk to each other. Our biggest problem is really communication. This we have experienced today at the interview with Dr. Berendt. So we were then released with many new tasks for the next week and it means even more work on ourselves

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now or never!

Today he is here so the day on which I mean Pl? Schtiere of the times with Philip must submit must. I thought all the time now displaced depends? And this morning when I packed up, I had a hard fight! But finally I did it and now they are in my pocket. It is probably a basic problem that I am too little dam with my past? Ftig. It sometimes seems as if there was not this time. I n me? Namely to any birthday parties, friends or remember other events in my childhood. All triggered it? Deleted except the really Tramat things (sexual abuse, theft, suicide by Philipp ...) but these are very far away. If I then people like this ore? Cave they are shocked and wonder how I made it to this day, my L? Smile to keep? This question I can answer it is not because my past is the past indicated. Just as my thoughts are not in harmony with my K? Body and my soul! For my subconscious might still remember very well, knocking the FTER? With me, maybe I should let in once and throw up my whole experience out.

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No, no, no

that it can not be! Once again I stand at the limit of my endurance in my marriage. I wonder about the meaning of marriage, if both practically live their own lives. You see, for eating and there is a kiss on the limitation? Edjusting, farewell and before sleep! But that's not a relationship! I can not be satisfied so easily, I'm not last! But I can, no matter how I place nothing to change this situation? and that makes me sick. I k? Nnte just as good live alone, it w rde? Make no difference. Now I had

a phone call from my sister and I had since re-learn that Gerd has talked behind my bridges R? About me! I hate that, they again theories? About me even though they have no idea what is going on inside me. If I sleep more, this automatically means that I feel bad and I know what to do with me! If they know so well informed, perhaps they should all be psychologists. Explanation? Changes have since then no sense, because I am a difficult case and they do not deviate from their view.

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anger and aggression!

I'm sitting here at work and in me an anger and aggression is that I prefer screaming w? Rde! In the same breath it frightens me this rather strange vessel? Cave to feel. Now it was me since my stay in hospital all the time endl? Ch better and I f? Sample me balanced and comfortable. Where and why now are these vessels? Cave? Everything annoys me and I like especially Gerd currently endure very bad. He annoys me with its st? LinkedIn questions, his computer, etc. At the same time beautiful me I f me? R this attitude, because he has done me nothing. I can imagine h? At most yet it has to do with the change of medication, but then I can only hope that there will soon be over. How should I work and be friendly, if me everything and everyone gets on my nerves. I f? Cave like a b? Ses h? Ssliches Monster and I like so do not suffer themselves? At all.

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should laugh or cry I?

I feel so bl? D before.
My head, my soul, dam? Ftig with only one subject.
dan And I cry.
I write in it all.
sp? Ter I look around me.
View invoices ... letters to be written ...
check store documents, ...
The Tax Office also wants to brush something from me,
no food in the K? Refrigerator,
k? Me, could I also, once again, the W
? Scheme is around
sleep and I should ...
But I can not bring myself to
I can not concentrate,
f? R me, these things right now pastime ...
Although they are just as important but ... My
K? Body does not move,
my fingers on the keyboard.
crying Sometimes my eyes.
I laugh.
I cry.
I sob.
I chuckle.
Should I laugh or cry?
I only want one thing: be healthy! F

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Hard times!

What? R a weekend! Now I have changed my medication and I must pass through a H? Hydrogenated. I feel sick, the atmosphere is in the basement and I wonder where is the miracle? No, I understand that it takes time until my K? Body has to change weight? Hnt, but that it is so hard, so I did not gerrechnet. But once again I am glad learned about my profession (pharmacy assistant), so I know what in my K? body happened and where are the complaints. Nevertheless, it takes enormous strength to not lose the courage to accept the complaints and especially unbearable. Once again, I curse this disease and the fact that it upsets me. How easy k? Life nnte still be without!

On Saturday, Nicole and Holly were with us (Nicole was with me in the hospital) and it has done very well, auzutauschen thoughts. Especially but also f? R Gerd and Holger, for it is also f? R not easy to live with us together concerned. Nicole and I long for both of us often to the time in the clinic on baggage, because there so we protected? protected and beh? were Tet. Actually, There's Something when I consider how the first time of my visit was nothing more than back home! I thought I'll never? Survival and in the end it did me almost sorry to leave the hospital. I must also say that it is certainly a "world" that has nothing to do with everyday life, because you really beh killed and shielded.

Still do Nicole and I now be a kind of self-help group gr?, A M? Opportunity to offer on stage and in a warm nest to fl want?.

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difficult task

Yesterday was our conversation again? With Dr. Berendt ch. Gerd and I were now three weeks longer there, because we still had a holiday in between. I knew that I change what the drugs? and must have first addressed this problem. I have now? Taken over years Efexor and it has helped me until now very good, but now has changed quite a bit in my life ge? And the drug came to this ver? Changes not longer. When I consider that I fr? Her only m? De was 24 hours and sleep hours? Tte nnnen k?, But today it is just the opposite. I lie awake and is not to think of sleep. Sometimes w? I carry on like a trip in my K? Take body, since so to see what is going on and where this st? LinkedIn Ver come? Changes. Well anyway, I will now try a new therapy! I now take one capsule in the evening Elavil, so that my fibromyalgia pain resolved due to the be. And three times a day every 3 lkapseln salmon?. Treatment with salmon? L was discovered and is considered by experts as a wonder drug! Hmm, let's see if a miracle happens for me too?

But serious at my job! I have to give my owl and the Diddl Dr. Berendt. Who is the owl and what 's a bit Diddl? So the owl is a small soft toy from Steiff and in recent times of being with Phil (has committed suicide), he only? About these "animals" speak to me! Each animal had its character, depending on how the mood was Phil. At first I found this "game" or r? While. It was to me until much sp? Ter aware of what a traumatic impact of this type of communication had on me. Through these experiences, it is now important that I take leave of this so I can finish with these memories. The departure is now such that I give these animals my therapist. There they are in good hands. Nevertheless, it is so hard to f? R me to do this step. It is as if someone a St? Ck takes away from my heart. I have betrayed the sense of the animals and also to Phil and concerning? Gen. How can this task l? Sen without feelings of guilt? Choose to be haunted?

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You are my death

You are dead, but not in my heart. Sometimes I cried
to despair, without that I wanted it h? Tte.
I admire your courage, the anscheindend nothing to ckschreckte?.
But now I know that the only thy was? usseres.
You are dead, but not in my heart. Sometimes
tr? Rooms and I imagine that everything else came w re?.
But I know that this will remain only a wish. If a storm is raging outside
or when it rains, it starts on my skin to Brickeln. Then I remember
me of the time when you were still there.
You are dead, but not in my heart. Sometimes I cry
to despair without I want it.
will move your soul, wherever, they will live, finds where they rest.

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Gef? Cave

When I lay in my bed at night and can not sleep, because life is so sad.
When I lay in my bed at night and not sleep can because I represent? can not even cry about.
When I lay in my bed at night and know I must, I must sleep.
For morning breakfast hour, in a few hours, then when I m nothing but sleep? RIGHTS, the intact, unrealistic world, the dream did not leave m? RIGHTS.
Because if I get up, and I must be well-rested, because it takes a lot of energy, very much? To overcoming l? Smile. Because you have to smile
l? In this world, you have to work as long as a breath of life is in you, you have to work.
you do it not, you will be deported.
wof r And did you then all the years that gequ lt - chelt gel?
When I lay in my bed at night and can not sleep and should remember to:
What if I'm no exception?
What if all human t suffer? Was like that?
This is called well:
the disease as depression.
But what helps me when I lie in my bed at night and can not sleep?